3 men. All lost their jobs. All lost hope. All suicidal. All in one 3 hour NHS GP shift. Let’s talk about what we did together.

I performed a remote GP shift recently.

Men’s mental health was the theme.

I sat and listened to 3 men in despair. They all had wives and young families to support. They had worked all of their lives but had either lost their job due to an administrative error or injury. Now they hadn’t worked for months and they were really struggling.

They all said they struggled to get out of bed in the morning.

They all stopped exercising and started drinking more.

They had heard of the recent push for men to talk about their mental health but their mood had taken them by surprise and they didn’t believe others would understand.

After listening and risk assessing we got to the point and with tailoring to each specific situation I broadly said the following:

1. “Your feelings are completely justified”.

If you had lost your job, couldn’t earn for your family, couldn’t exercise the same way and it was leading up to Christmas, do you think beaming happiness is the right response?

They agreed not. And eased.

We have a tendency to beat ourselves up when we’re down.

And we miss the positive values of love, care and protective instincts for our families that’s shown by our sadness.

2. “Your self worth is not linked to your work or your achievements.”

You’ve probably been told your whole life that you need to be strong, get a job, earn a living. We ingrain a belief that this means without these things, we are nothing.

And it’s false.

We are intrinsically worthwhile separate from our contributions and we need to believe this to keep pushing forward.

Otherwise we can drown in guilt.

3. “You may convince yourself that people would be better off without you…and you’d be completely wrong”

They wouldn’t. No family gets over the loss to suicide. People love you and this is just a phase before you get your life back on track.

4. “Motivation follows action”

You’ve lost your mojo. So everyday you need to schedule the things you know you need to do until they become a habit.

Exercise, sleep, nutrition, mindfulness, connection, nature, learning and skill mastery, job applications. Whatever it is, set alarms and do it without feeling like it.

5. “You will get better”

Life is a long game. You are struggling right now. 

In the future you will likely struggle less because you have the courage to get the right help and speak to a GP, a therapist or a friend or whoever you need to to open up about your humanness.

And when you start opening up, you will inspire others to do the same.

You will be the one that helps others if you accept help now.

That’s what happened to me. 

I was 3 months without work last year and it nearly killed me. 

I forgot, then followed my own advice and now Im privileged to help others.

So keep going. 

You inspire me by opening up to me.

Let’s catch up next week.

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Anything else you’d add?